Nurturing Family in Times of Change: 5 Strategies for Coming Closer Together During Hard Times

Everyone in your family has just been through a big transition. A car accident, a death in the family, a significant shift in a relationship, an unexpected relocation, or a new member joining the family. There can be a lot of extra dynamics to navigate as a family.

Although everyone is experiencing the same change, each person is likely to have their own response. As everyone is finding their own way to come to terms with what has happened, the dynamics within the family may feel tense, uncomfortable, and tender all at once.

As you move through this significant change with your family, use these five strategies to come closer together as a family.

1. Listen to each person with respect. Slow down, put your own thoughts and feelings aside, and take in what each person is sharing about their own experience. Encourage your family members to do the same. Create a culture within your family where it is safe to share. The more each person feels seen, heard, and understood, the more likely they will feel safe to share what’s truly happening for them as time passes. 
2. Acknowledge each person’s approach to the change. You may discover that each person has a unique relationship with the change at hand. One may deny that it is happening, while another is focused on thinking it all through to find a solution. Someone else may be feeling the emotions quite deeply, while another is already finding ways to grow through the experience. As each person finds their way, notice the strengths each family member brings to the situation while also honoring your own way of approaching the situation.
3. Find a meaningful way to bring young members of the family into the experience. Even if youngsters do not know how to make sense of what has happened, they will feel the energetic shift in the household and family members. If they are never told what happened, they may make up their own stories and even conclude they are at fault in some way. Read about effective ways to share unexpected jolts or planned changes with young children. Search for a children’s book that is specific to the situation at hand to help you introduce the topic in a gentle way.
   
   
4. Create opportunities for everyone to feel safe. Tap into what you already know about each member of your family. When family members are stressed out, what are their usual go-to ways to feel safe and comforted? Rather than making assumptions in this time of great change, check in with each person to confirm what they need or discover what they are craving in this situation. Maybe one wants to spend time listening to music or escaping into a fantasy book, while another would benefit from time in nature. Sometimes the needs of one person may feel at odds with the needs of another.

For instance, one family member feels better when they are held, but the other person needs to get away to be by themselves. It’s possible that if one of them gets what they need to replenish themselves, then they will have the strength and presence to be able to support and provide what the other person needs. Although creating these healing opportunities may take some creativity, giving each person adequate time to regulate their nervous system on a regular basis will benefit the entire family.

5. Co-create ways to come together as a family. As the acute situation settles a bit, look for a simple way to gather. Maybe it’s going to the park to let the kids play and let off some energy while the adults talk. Maybe it’s watching a favorite movie together or coming together to share a meal. Or perhaps the family would benefit from going to a new place, trying a new activity, or seeing new scenery. Think about the needs of each person to find an idea that will support the family as well as the members of the family.

Significant transitions take time to work through. It may take different amounts of time for each person to find their own way to come to peace with the changes. Be aware that the impact of this change may ripple beyond your immediate family members to include extended family members, close friends, and even neighbors.

Resist the temptation to rush the process for the family or coax specific family members to get over their sadness before they are ready. Teasing, shaming, or blaming will force them to send their emotions underground where they may fester and explode in a later situation.

Using these strategies to heal as a family will create a culture within your family of honoring each other and supporting each other. Knowing you were there for each other during such an important time will strengthen the foundation of your family for this transition and future changes to come.

Carol McClelland Fields, PhD, an award-winning author and Board Certified Coach, provides inspiration and practical support for those who are in the midst of transition. Embrace change with compassion and trust. Carol works with people globally, including professionals who work with clients in transition, as an emerging or seasoned coach, therapist, or other Change Catalyst. Download Carol's eBook, Riding the Waves of Change: Growing, Healing, and Evolving Through Times of Deep Uncertainty at www.CarolMcClellandFields.com.