The Everyday Mystic: 3 Ways to Quiet Your Mind

We all want more calm and less stress. More joy and less worry. We yearn to live in those expansive moments where we feel deeply connected with the world around us. In a word, we want to belong.

To achieve this sense of belonging, we employ a multitude of different strategies. This comes into play when we choose our life partner. We tend to choose those who deeply accept us as we are. We call it “love,” but it may be just a deep sense of feeling like we belong.

We often do the same when we choose to develop a friendship with one person, but not with another. Sometimes we even choose our place of employment on this basis. But sadly, in each of these instances, that sense of belonging often withers and fades. How can we find that forever place – that place of profound depth, that place of tranquil serenity?

It seems clear that we must first find our belonging within ourselves. If I am not at peace with myself, it doesn’t matter if the whole world accepts me. I still don’t feel like I belong. I still feel unsettled and at odds with everything around me. You know, those mornings when even the greatest cup of coffee doesn’t change your grumpy outlook.

So how can we learn to accept ourselves? How can we find peace when our minds are always churning? How can we find our joy when our emotions ping-pong between fear, rejection, guilt, and shame? How can we learn to accept ourselves in the midst of the ongoing tumult?

So, what’s the recipe for belonging? It’s simple, but like many simple things, it can be difficult to put into practice.

1. Turn your attention inward and watch the ceaseless flow of your thoughts. The obvious starting place is taking charge of our restless minds. We are always thinking, always churning out thought after thought. But when you stop and look at the content of your thoughts, you realize that it’s mostly nonsense. We gossip to ourselves. In our minds, we critique each other and everything around us. “That girl’s hair looks atrocious, but I really like the outfit she’s wearing.” “I wish that I had the money that he’s throwing around!” “I’m so bored with this California weather – it’s always (fill in the blank).” We don’t really need to turn on a device to get streaming. Our minds are always streaming some sort of entertainment for us.

To counter this, step back and watch the flow of your thoughts. Instead of focusing on content outside of yourself, reverse the focus and observe your streaming thoughts. After a time, you’re likely to find them rather boring. And this brings us to the second stage.

2. Refused to pay attention to your thoughts. Instead, focus on the middle of your forehead, which tends to quiet the rest of the brain. Your thoughts will give way to an interior silence, which in turn gives way to an ever-deepening stillness. Focus on the middle of your forehead, the area of your prefrontal cortex. Focusing here tends to quiet your ceaseless flow of thoughts. The silence you experience when you do this gradually gives way to a deep stillness. As you rest here, you will be enveloped in a profound sense of belonging. In this stillness, everything seems as it should be.

As your mind quiets and your peace deepens, you’ll start to notice people around you. By shifting your focus from your internal dialogue, you start to see others more clearly. You start to see the trouble on their faces. The anxiety, the hurt… all the myriad of emotions that flow across their faces. As your discernment deepens, you realize they are feeling the same things you are. Of course, because we all face the same existential dilemmas. You come to realize that we are all members of the same family. As that realization dawns, you find yourself acting more and more out of kindness.

3. Cultivate kindness toward yourself and others. As your mind quiets, you’re able to see others more clearly. You realize that we all face the same problems, and that we are all connected like family members. As this realization dawns, you will find kindness naturally arising within you. A kindness that must be expressed. A kindness that gives meaning and purpose to your living.

As our kindness for others increases, our hearts open. As our hearts open and we connect with others around us, heart to heart, we find joy in the sense of deep belonging that arises. As we accept others, we find that we ourselves are accepted, and sometimes even cherished. Finally, we feel at home with ourselves and with the world around us.

Focusing on the intersection of science and spirituality, Dr. Ken Kaisch explains the deepest spiritual teachings in terms that are accessible to all. Trained as an Episcopal priest and a clinical psychologist, he uses insights from both disciplines to open you on how to explore your innermost depths, and discover a true sense of belonging. Piercing through authoritarian structures and dogma, he reveals practical methods for coming into a joyous connection with the Divine. For more information visit www.kenkaisch.com.