Five Reasons People Fall Out of Love

By Jennifer Freed, Ph.D.

www.jenniferfreed.com

Falling in love is often a breathtaking beginning. But staying in love requires daily devotion and conscious choices. Love, like any living thing, thrives when it is fed with attention, honesty, and care. When couples drift apart, it is rarely because love was never real. It is because it was not properly tended. Over years of listening and observing, I’ve noticed certain patterns that repeatedly erode intimacy and passion.

Here are five of the most common reasons people fall out of love.

1. They let themselves go and give up healthy habits. When partners first fall in love, they often put their best selves forward. Over time, if one or both people stop caring for their bodies, minds, and spirits, resentment grows. Neglecting health doesn’t just affect appearance. It affects energy, vitality, and mood. When someone stops showing up as a vibrant version of themselves, it can feel like a betrayal of the early promises of the relationship. Staying active, curious, and healthy is not about vanity. It is about keeping the spark of life alive so it can be shared with someone else.
2. They don’t prioritize quality time alone with their partners. Life gets crowded with children, careers, obligations, and constant distractions. Many couples slowly replace their private time together with task lists and group activities. But love needs an exclusive container. When two people no longer carve out intentional space, be it a walk, a weekend morning in bed, or a quiet dinner, intimacy withers. Without sacred time to be with only each other, couples often feel like business partners instead of lovers. Protecting private time together is a declaration that the relationship matters.
3. They stop sharing learning experiences together. In the beginning, everything feels new. Each shared discovery builds intimacy and delight. Over time, if couples stop exploring and learning together, they grow stale. Love thrives on curiosity. Taking a class, traveling, reading the same book, or even cooking a new recipe together keeps the spirit of discovery alive. Without shared growth, people stagnate and often turn outside the relationship for stimulation. A partnership must evolve, or it risks becoming a cage of old stories.
4. They take each other for granted. One of the greatest killers of love is assuming it will always be there. When someone forgets to notice, acknowledge, and cherish their partner, the warmth drains out. Simple words of appreciation, gestures of kindness, and small daily acknowledgments are the glue of connection. Without them, love erodes under the weight of indifference. Taking a partner for granted is forgetting that love is a gift, not a guarantee.
5. They spend lots of time complaining to others about their partner. When difficulties arise, some people turn to friends or family for relief. But when venting replaces direct communication with a partner, intimacy suffers. Complaints aired to outsiders often create distance rather than solutions. They poison the field of love. Every relationship has struggles, but if the majority of frustrations are voiced elsewhere instead of with the person who most needs to hear them, trust collapses. Speaking directly, even when uncomfortable, preserves respect and the possibility of repair.

Love is not lost in a single moment. It fades gradually when care is withheld. Falling out of love is less about dramatic betrayal and more about the steady accumulation of neglect. The good news is that each of these pitfalls can be reversed with awareness and consistent effort. Choosing to love is choosing to keep showing up, healthy, attentive, curious, appreciative, and honest. When we treat love as a living, breathing entity that requires nurturing, it grows stronger through the years. But when we forget to tend it, we may one day look at our partner and wonder where the love has gone. 

Dr. Jennifer Freed, Ph.D., is a psychological astrologer, bestselling author, and depth psychologist with over 40 years’ experience. She supports people in decoding their gifts through astrology and emotional insight, identifying their most effective strategies. Learn more at jenniferfreed.com, follow on Instagram, or read her work on Substack.