On Letting Go

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.
- Joseph Campbell

I don't think that I'm alone when I confess that I often project my life out in my head. More than simple planning, I can go from one small idea to a step-by-step, five year plan in a matter of seconds. In part visionary. In part pure defect of character. The defect part usually arises when my projections or planning get - another confession coming - a tad too obsessive, too set in my ways, too absolute. Or when my plans involve other people's lives. Those times when I mentally and verbally try to manipulate people - husband, step children, friends, contractors - to do what I think is right. I do this altruistically. I truly want to help others and think I am doing so. Because when I truly believe that what I have envisioned is part of the best possible, karmic plan, it is difficult not to press that on to others. But of course others have their own plans. And life happens too and interferes with and makes messes of plans.

In all honesty I have loosened up. A lot. Years ago both my husband and I would make daily schedules (another word for projections and plans). We would get upset if the schedules altered. But of course they did. With two young children and jobs and New England weather all conspiring against our firm time-tables, we eventually had to choose between letting go and going insane. It has become a joke now that "we are way off schedule." Because now, when it comes to little daily stuff, we can laugh at the folly of trying to control.

Over the years I have learned that the less I try to control my life (or others), the more opportunities beyond my wildest dreams open up to me. This lesson came only after many episodes of banging my head against the wall (figuratively) until remembering to let go. My life is living proof of this lesson. Ten years ago as the unhappiest of all lawyers, I could not have fathomed being a mental health therapist who loves her job. A hypnotist? A yoga instructor? Not even on my radar. It was in letting go that these unexpected paths opened up to me. Now I live a life healthier, happier and more fulfilling than I myself ever could have imagined.

I need to remember that now as I struggle again with wanting to control the building of my holistic center. There is certainly much that I can do and much that I am doing. But there is also a point at which I need to step back and "let go of the life that [I] had planned [for the center] so as to accept the life that is waiting." My vision is incredible. But in letting go even grander possibilities await. So for today (and the tomorrows if possible) I will stay focused on that life lesson and allow the unfathomable beauty to enfold.