For many of us, our relationships are the foundation on which our lives rest. They are where we draw our strength and often, where we find our greatest joy. But if they're unhealthy, they can rock our worlds to the core. Healthy relationships can enhance life, while unhealthy ones can upset everything. But how can we tell when ours is healthy?
What Makes a Relationship Healthy?
- Trust. Healthy relationships are built on mutual trust. Partners need to be able to rely on each other and feel confident in taking risks of vulnerability with each other as they grow emotionally. This requires a degree of safety from each partner — each has to be willing to risk themselves for the other, trusting that they will not be hurt, and each has to be in a place where they won't let the other down.
- Open communication. In a great relationship, the ability to communicate openly is essential. That means that if a disagreement occurs, both partners can express themselves calmly and honestly. If one partner has made a mistake and apologized, the ability of the other partner to accept that apology and move on is a positive sign of a healthy relationship. It's also a good sign if, when a struggle occurs, both partners begin from a place of being on the same side — it's them against the problem, not them against each other.
- Boundaries. Both partners should feel comfortable establishing clear boundaries in a healthy relationship. Boundaries allow each person to create and maintain their autonomous sense of self and few things are as important in a good relationship as each partner being independent as well as interdependent.
- Empathy. When each partner seeks to understand what the other is feeling, that empathy allows them to understand their partner’s concerns. Partners may not always agree with each others’ perspectives, but a sincere effort to understand them allows them to show support for one another through highs and lows. Beyond "agree to disagree" true empathy allows people to take different positions while truly valuing the position of the other.
- Mutual attraction and appreciation. In a healthy, romantic relationship, both partners are attracted to and appreciate one another. Taking time to really notice the assets of a partner, and to offer sincere compliments can enhance the relationship, sure but the attention to detail builds personal investment, too.
- Mindfulness. Sometimes, without even realizing it, it might be easy to take a relationship for granted and slip into an automatic routine. If partners are mindful, they contribute to a healthy relationship by listening closely to the other person, making adjustments as needed, and occasionally discussing the relationship with each other to better meet each other’s needs. These days it's far too easy to put our attention on social media or the news and lose sight of one another. Keeping our priorities in line takes effort. But when it's there, it's an important sign of a good and healthy relationship.
If we don't have these important ingredients, we can certainly build on what we do have and these ideas can act as important benchmarks to help us get to a better place. Through every phase of our lives, we experience all types of relationships. By understanding how to recognize the signs of a healthy relationship, we can enhance our lives and the lives of those we care about. And maybe, n some cases, we can know when it's time to cut it loose and move on.
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