Save Your Relationship Before It’s Too Late

In my situation above, I had the presence of mind to realize that if this escalation continued that “we" were in trouble…the relationship “we." And that if we continued down this path further, I began to question the survivability of the relationship. Could it really end as quickly as I imagined it might?

What was the limit to what someone could say and still have the other person feel loved? I didn't want to find out.

That was a defining moment. I decided that I didn't have to be “right." Escalations are often about who is more right, or whose needs are more important. I did something radically different.

I thought about why I was with her, why I loved her, why I wanted to be with her, and what I truly wanted our relationship to be about. I immediately began to think about my vision of our relationship and it changed me instantly. And maybe it saved us.

I immediately softened my “tone," and said “I love you so much, I don't want to argue with you." Did she escalate further? Of course not. She immediately softened her tone to match mine. The argument was over. It could have easily gone the other way had I wanted to continue to prove that I was more “right" than she was. (continue reading...)