Beyond Survival: Cultivating a Life of Authentic Fulfillment

We spend a lifetime adapting to our environment, our families and friends, and society’s norms to stay safe and survive. In the process, we develop habits, beliefs, and personas – a unique “skin” - that helps us to gain the acceptance, belonging, and approval of others. We rely on this “skin” to provide us with a sense of normalcy and acceptability, but it can rob us of the opportunity to cultivate unconditional self-love - the true path to inner peace.

While the familiarity of our “skin” might give us comfort, it keeps us bound, small, and living others’ expectations. Unless we wake up to the truth of our being – and own our essence - we will stay confined, purposeless, and unsatisfied.

Here are practices to cultivate a life of authentic fulfillment:

Know Yourself

On the surface, this might seem like a bland commitment. “Of course, I know myself!” you might be thinking. It’s common to believe that we each are a unique combination of our personalities, experiences, preferences, beliefs, and thoughts. If that were true, our sense of self would be as stable as a pitched tent in the middle of a tornado.

Relying on beliefs, thoughts, preferences, and experiences to define who we are makes our sense of self conditional. As conditions change, so does our relationship with self. We are not free without real grounding; this lack of grounding makes for a tumultuous mind. (Think pitched tent in a tornado.) And here’s the kicker: Your quality of life is equal to the impeccability of your own mind.

So, what to do?

I have found that the process of self-exploration and self-knowledge starts with honest questioning and non-judgmental awareness. Get quiet and ask yourself these questions.

1. What did I decide I needed to do (and who I needed to be) in order to earn love?
2. What am I most afraid other people would either find out, decide, or think about me?
3. What do I do (or how do I show up in the world) to keep others from thinking/deciding these things about me?
4. How do I hold myself back?
5. What do I really want? What do I want to feel more of in my life?
6. If all fear and limitation were banished from my experience, who would I be then? What would I stand for?
7. Who is the me that lives beneath my fears, false beliefs, and survival mechanisms? What qualities make me me that are rooted in truth and love and are not a fear or learned compensation?
8. If the concept of “proving” and the ability to prove oneself was impossible (like trying to imagine a color I’ve never seen), what would I want to do then? And, more importantly, who do I want to be?

Writing (not typing) responses to these questions will likely reveal more insight and deepen your relationship with your true self.

THEN OBSERVE:

Bring non-judgmental awareness to this self-exploration process, “non-judgmental” being the key term here. This is absolutely crucial. Judgment, especially self-judgment, is a pervasive aspect of our protective “skin”. And fortunately, mindful awareness is healing in itself.

Shed the Skin That No Longer Serves You

As you start to get in touch with your essence – who you are underneath your fears and false beliefs – it’s time to identify and release the patterns and people that keep you from the clarity and purpose that are your birthright.

GET CLEAR:

Draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper. On the left-hand side, title it “What no longer serves me. What I’m Releasing...” On the right side, title it “Honoring my Essence. What I am letting in...”

In the left column, write out everything you will let go of to shed the skin that no longer serves you. List out all the mindsets, beliefs, habits, and people you have sustained to remain safe and acceptable. We go through this process to bring unconscious patterning and unhelpful habits into the light of awareness.

Things to consider in your evaluation of who/what serves you are not:

• Energy impact: Do interactions energize or deplete you?
• Inspiration integrity: Do they expand your thinking with generative and valuable insights?
• Growth-oriented: Do they inspire you to elevated standards?
• Values alignment: Do their values and principles align with your essence and aspirations?
• Future resonance: Are they headed where you want to go?

In the right column, write out all the things that delight you - that align with your true essence - that bring out the best in you, that honor and align with your authentic self. Write out all the (new) thoughts, beliefs, mindsets, habits, and people that you intend to bring more of into your life. Through this deliberate act of intention, you catalyze the creative process to nourish your soul and powerfully usher you into the life you were meant to live.

Let your inspiration and wisdom guide you. This is not a linear process, and it does not have to be written. You can make art, sing, narrate, or dance yourself through it. Create a symbol that captures your true self-understanding and the clarity of what you are letting go of. Keep it visible to act as an ever-present reminder of your intentions.

Deciding to wake up from your automatic limited patterns, claim your essence, and step into the life you were born to live is the greatest gift you can give yourself, others, and the world at large. These two foundational practices to know yourself and shed the skin that no longer serves you set you up for the thriving, joy, and success that are your birthright.

Amy Wong is the founder of Always On Purpose®. As a leadership expert, author, and speaker, she collaborates with organizations, like Salesforce and LinkedIn, to provide transformative leadership development and communication strategies. A certified coach in Conversational Intelligence®, Amy combines principles from transpersonal psychology, interpersonal neurobiology, and mindfulness to help executives achieve flow and impact. Her book, "Living On Purpose," won the 2022 Book of the Year award by The Magic Pen.