One time Gate literally fought with me. I came into therapy having had a terrible fight with my boyfriend the night before. She let him explain the situation first (as she typically did). His words made me feel very blamed (my words and actions were taken out of context) so I felt even more emotional. That came through when I took my turn. She interrupted me and refused to let me take my turn because I seemed emotional. She kept telling me “I am trying to help you” over and over instead of recognizing that her approach was NOT helping. This turned into an actual fight between me and her, which was shocking to me.
In general I thought that she was bad at creating a gender-balanced environment. She could often be very aggressive and condescending towards me (female) and quite submissive and tolerant towards my boyfriend. She would interrupt and talk over me like nobody’s business and let my boyfriend interrupt and talk over her. At the beginning of every session she would turn to my boyfriend and let him open up the discussion. These systematic gender biases hurt my faith in her process.
I also thought that Gate is not equipped for dealing with multi-cultural scenarios. She grossly underestimates the pervasiveness of the effects of language and culture between a couple. One time she said that she can understand the difficulty because “she’s been to other countries before. She lived in France for a month and spoke French there” which shows how little she grasps the difficulty of having an actual language/culture barrier between a couple every day for the rest of their lives, not just during vacation and while having a good time.