Prevent your child's public tantrums.

We have all been witness to (at some point or another) someone's child or our own bundle of joy completely out of control. If only there was a way to stop this from happening!

The idea is fairly simple - highlighting positive behavior instead of focusing on negative. I know it sounds like positive reinforcement (i.e. the child eats his veggie's then he gets a cookie). Proactive techniques can prevent maladaptive behavior whereas positive reinforcement and crisis intervention are reactions - meaning the child acts a certain way and then you respond.

A child's behavior is formed on three levels: the child's environment, the child's intimate surroundings, and the child. Let's say, metaphorically, your child is like a flower. In the right climate, certain flowers perform better than others. Tulips do better in cold, bluebonnets do better on slopes. Their environments are different and more suitable to their needs. However, even if a tulip is in Holland where the climate is suitable, that alone does not guarantee its growth. Its intimate surroundings must also be suitable - fertile soil. You can't throw tulip bulbs on the sidewalk and expect a yield. Finally, the tulip itself must be cared for (i.e. appropriate water, planted deep enough, etc.)

The first step to prevent maladaptive behavior is to assess the child's situation. It takes more than just a nice neighborhood and good school districts to produce a well behaved child or living in poverty to create a child with behavior issues. That is just one part of it. Look at the child's home life (intimate surroundings). Is the television creating constant chatter? Is the entire house a mess but you demand little Tommy to keep his room clean? How many public places do you go that have less than 1,000 people? Every school and daycare uses bright florescent lights - that is another topic altogether. Your child is fitting in to his environment - loud, chaotic. Is there anywhere your child can go where they can relax and de-escalate? Just as you need to wind down; so do your child.

Secondly, you would need to examine the interpersonal relationship you have developed with your child. Notice your interactions. Is it more fussing and yelling than laughing and playing? Remember those days when your 1 year old was only happy when around you? That is because you and the baby were always laughing. You thought everything he did was cute and he loved the positive attention for doing nothing at all. These interactions are still vital to your child.

The positive interactions are the backbone to changing your child's behavior. Let your child know each time you notice your child behaving properly without your prompting. It can be as simple as asking "What are you playing?" or "You don't draw as much as you used to, why is that?" These interactions should be frequent and spontaneous. In addition, you should give your child small tasks that add up to weekly rewards of varying degrees. For example, having toys out of the living room by bedtime will lead to a large reward at the end of the week such as an art project at home (another opportunity for positive interaction). If the child fails at keeping the toys out of the living room every night but has done it some nights, there is no need to punish - they tried. Just offer a smaller, sugar free reward.


As time progresses and behavior improves, the small tasks become complex and the rewards become harder to reach. To elaborate, you can string together behaviors like being in bed on time and going to the store without crying for candy leads to pizza night. This proactive approach is different from positive reinforcement because the child has a positive interaction with you without acting a certain way. Whereas positive reinforcement gives rewards after each time a child does what you want. The positive interactions serve two purposes. First, they serve as reassurances that your child can behave properly without your instruction. Secondly, it shows your child that it is possible to get your attention without breaking something or hitting someone. The varying rewards give children a sense of accomplishment. Of course, being proactive works at different rates for different children but as with any technique, parents must be willing to commit to it.

Rashad Skinner
www.counselingandtherapyonline.samsbiz.com