Does Relationship Counseling Work?

I've heard people say, "Why should we bring our personal relationship problems to a therapist? We should be able to figure this out on our own." I can understand this position - especially for people who have attached negative ideas to "therapy" or "counseling." The fact of the matter is, relationship counseling works for those who work at it. I tell couples time and time again, if they both are willing to:

1) acknkowledge there's a relationship problem,

2) accept that each of them has some level of responsibility for the problems and

3) each of them be willing to make some behavior change for the sake of the relationship - then they're off to a really great start. Couples counseling can work for people who adopt this position.

It takes more effort than simply showing up a therapist's office. The communication tools and ways of being together need to seep into the lives of the couple. This often means doing things in a very different way than they have before. But it is possible! I've seen couples get reconnected again in ways they never imagined.

With the rise of the divorce rate over the years, it seems as though this society has lost the will to really do the work of being in relationship. Relationships change and shift - ebb and flow - go up and down in intensity, passion and connection. Ideally, an underlying friendship and respect for one another remains during the difficult times.

The simple answer to the question, "Does relationship counseling work," is...YES, if you work at it. Keep in mind there might be negative cycles occurring with your partner that you both don't even see. This is what a good relationship therapist will be able to pick up.

Warmly,
Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT