Are Your Therapist's Issues Impacting Your Therapy?

There are a lot of aspects to finding an individual or relationship therapist. Everyone has a different priority list ranging from cost, location, education, gender and more. What about whether the therapist has done any of his/her own therapy work?

Some graduate schools require their students have a certain number of therapy hours as a client - but many don't. Do you want to work with someone who knows what it's like to sit in the client's seat? I did. And having done my own work before becoming a therapist, I can't imagine doing this work without the experience.

Therapists are ethically (and legally in some cases) bound not to let our own "crap" seep into the therapy room. And because we are all human and have our own sensitivities and vulnerabilities due to our own previous experiences - this can be difficult at times.

There are possible signs that your therapist might be letting his/her own "junk" interfere in the relationship:

1) Excessive emotion and telling of personal stories to an extent where it feels the session becomes about them.

2) Engaging in an inappropriate and untherapeutic relationship with the cleint (some of this can be illegal).

3) Being critical, judgemental, angry - or appearing to have had a hot button triggered in some way.

We are taught and are obligated not to allow our "stuff" cloud the client's therapy session. Therapists who have done their own therapy and worked through - or are working through - their own issues will be more equipped to be helpful to the consumer.

When shopping for a therapist, I propose that one asks whether they've done any of their own work. I'd be thrilled to get that question - but I never have. I think it's a damn good one.

Warmly,
Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT