The Unusual Reason You Can't Stop Emotional Eating
Have you ever been unable to stop eating pasta or reaching for more cake? It's not about lacking willpower or control—often, it's about trying to fill an emotional void with food. Let's delve into why we crave specific foods when we’re not physically hungry...
Emotional Hunger and Filling Foods
When we experience loneliness, boredom, or a lack of purpose, we often turn to food, specifically, filling food, to occupy the empty space within us. This isn't about seeking comfort. It's about seeking fullness in a very literal sense.
Consider Melinda’s experience: She binged on bread and pasta whenever she felt lonely. She remembered sharing family meals around a large table, passing warm rolls, and heaping plates of spaghetti. "I realized I wasn't actually hungry," she reflected. "I was trying to recreate that feeling of connection and togetherness. The bread and pasta reminded me of times when I wasn't alone."
Similarly, whenever Greg felt a sense of emptiness in his life, he made a huge plate of spaghetti. He said, “It wasn't about the taste—it was about feeling full, like I was filling up the void inside me."
Why Filling Foods?
Psychologically, the act of filling ourselves with food can be deeply symbolic. Loneliness or isolation can make us feel empty inside, and we gravitate towards foods that take up space:
- Bread and rolls
- Cakes and muffins
- Pizza and pasta
These foods are literally filling, providing a temporary sense of fullness that goes beyond physical satiation. It's a concrete way of addressing an abstract feeling.
Cultural Influences
Our choice of filling foods is often influenced by cultural factors:
- In Italy, pasta dishes serve this role.
- In India, it might be rich curries and rice.
- In the USA, dishes like mashed potatoes or mac and cheese are common choices.
These foods are often associated with family gatherings, further underscoring the relationship between food and connection. While filling foods provide a momentary sense of fullness, they don't address the underlying emotional emptiness. This can lead to a cycle of continually eating to fill an emotional void that food can't actually fill.
Breaking the Cycle: Addressing the Real Hunger
Physical hunger is a bodily sensation such as a stomach growling or a feeling lightheaded. If it’s emotional hunger, a food “sounds good” or “looks good.” If eating for emotional reasons, try implementing change by using this four-step process:
- Stop and Think: Pause before reaching for that comfort food. Take a deep breath and create a moment of awareness, which gives you the space to determine if you are physically or emotionally hungry.
- Identify What's Going On: Ask yourself, "What am I feeling right now?" Instead of reaching for that extra slice of bread, ask yourself: What am I hungry for? What void am I trying to fill?
- Express Your Emotions: Allow yourself to feel your feelings without judgment. Avoid toxic positivity, such as telling yourself to look on the bright side or that it could be worse. Remember, it's okay to not be okay. Instead of saying, "I shouldn't feel lonely," try, "I'm feeling lonely right now, and that's a valid emotion."
- Reassure Yourself: Acknowledge, validate, and reassure yourself. For example, "It's natural to feel lonely sometimes. This feeling won't last forever, and I have the strength to cope with it."
The Role of Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself in this process. Filling an emotional void with food is a common coping mechanism. According to self-compassion expert Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion involves being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate rather than ignoring our pain or criticizing ourselves.
Moving Forward
Understanding why we turn to filling foods is the first step in developing a healthier relationship with food and our emotions. Remember, it's not about never eating these foods—it's about understanding our motivations and finding more effective ways to address emotional needs.
Next time you reach for filling foods, pause and reflect. What void are you really trying to fill? By addressing the root cause, you will create lasting solutions to feelings of emptiness, leading to greater emotional well-being and a more balanced relationship with food.
Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin is a renowned author and podcast host and one of the nation’s leading psychoanalysts known for the psychology of eating. Her signature message, “It’s not what you’re eating, it’s what’s eating ‘at’ you,” has resonated with hundreds of thousands of listeners from around the globe in 50 countries. As founder of The Binge Cure Method, she guides emotional eaters to create lasting food freedom so they can take back control of their lives and feel good in their bodies.
