When Teens Go Wild - A Guide for Parents
The school buses are making their daily rounds and many parents are turning their attention to the upcoming holiday season. If you have a teen or preteen, you may start wondering how the little cutie who ran around flexing his muscles in a Spiderman costume and talking nonstop just a couple of years ago, suddenly can’t be bothered to speak in full sentences today. Perhaps the sweet girl who played Thing 1 to your Thing 2 last year now wants to play with no one other than her boyfriend.
It’s normal for kids over the age of 12 to seek more independence and to start exploring their personalities and the vast world opening up around them. The problem comes when their explorations take them toward risky behaviors. A good kid can slip into a dangerous lifestyle without even realizing what’s happening and a kid hurting for attention or acceptance can satisfy intense emotional cravings in all the wrong ways.
As a parent trying to stay connected to a growing teen you may have suspicions that your child needs more help than you can provide. The pain no longer comes from a skinned knee and a band aid no longer makes everything better. It’s difficult to accept change in your child at any age, but acceptance and prompt, well-planned action is what you need to steer a teenager away from any crooked life path.
Early Signs Your Teen Is "Going Wild"
From the ever-expanding list of drugs circulating at schools and parties, to cyberbullying, sexual violations, gender confusion and deep depression, the list of potential troubles for a teenager is exhausting. The longer it takes someone to realize what is happening and to take action on behalf of a teenager, the more at risk they become.
If you notice any of the the following signs in your teen, it may be time to take action:
- You have concerns about their choice in friends. If you suspect that the kids surrounding your teen most of the time are doing drugs, drinking alcohol, or demonstrating similar behavior, you have to assume that your child is at least thinking about doing the same.
- They’re isolating themselves from friends and family. Perhaps they can’t explain their absence from home or school at certain times. Spending too much time alone is just as troubling as lying about where they’ve been or simply refusing to tell you where they go.
- They seem unable to control their anger. Perhaps they’re getting into fights at school or they’re lashing out at siblings and parents in unacceptable ways.
- A good student suddenly stops doing homework. If suddenly an excellent student fails almost every test, or simply has no interest in academics, it is time to be concerned. A child who has always struggled academically may simply stop trying altogether. This can indicate physical or mental health issues and should be taken seriously.
- Outright rebellion. This could include anything from sneaking out the window at night to refusing to do chores regardless of the punishment. They seem not to care about the house rules or your wishes.
What’s Behind the Negative Behavior?
Once you identify potentially worrisome behaviors in your preteen or teen, you have to get to the root of the behavior before you can take the appropriate action. All teens rebel to some extent, and what seems like a red flag may turn out to be nothing more than shifting moods due to hormones. You can try talking to your child openly about the changes in their behavior or attitude, but don’t be surprised if they aren’t willing to open up as they did in younger years.
Think of the most direct way to verify your suspicions. For instance, you can purchase a drug test for home use and surprise your teen when they come in after curfew. A visit to a counselor may help you identify depression and other emotional issues. If you suspect that your teen is cutting classes, you may make random visits to the school or call and ask a staff member to verify that your child is present.
What Next?
Once you verify that your teen is flirting with the wild side, introduce natural consequences to their behavior. A teenager skipping school may no longer have driving privileges. For drug or alcohol abuse, you will have to determine whether outpatient or inpatient treatment is necessary. For emotional issues, it’s important to work closely with a counselor, psychologist or another professional trained to offer help for the entire family. This isn’t just your teen’s problem. Handle it as an “us” problem, and they’re less likely to resist.
