Caregiver Stress and Ways to Cope
My mom retired at 49. But she didn't stop working. Not fully. All that newfound free time was quickly filled up when she became my aging grandparents primary caregiver.
She was their own personal angel: running errands, doing housekeeping work, helping them move safely around the house and transporting them to and from medical appointments.
And she cherished the quality time spent with her aging parents. After all, time is precious. But I could see the physical and emotional toll it began taking on her. She was tired, sad and anxious all at once, constantly on edge that the next phone call would be from the hospital or a concerned relative. And though I did what I could to help, I felt like I was only taking a small chip out of the iceberg that was my mother’s caregiving responsibilities. There was just so much to be done as my grandparents aged independently and at home.
My grandmother had colon cancer a few years back and had been through surgery and treatment, which she has been thankfully recovering from ever since. But the disease left her weakened and thin, unable to stomach certain foods that she had once loved. So my mom cooked for her and stopped by once a week to pick up fresh groceries at the local market.
My grandfather had knee surgery, twice, and the results were not what we had hoped for. He was unable to get around on his own anymore, and had to rely on a walker or wheelchair at all times. Family gatherings were difficult for everyone involved, as we tried to get him safely up the stairs and into a comfortable seat. All the meanwhile, my grandfather would snap at those who were helping him, insisting that they weren’t doing things right.
Before long, I could see the toll this almost constant care was taking on everyone involved. So I began doing research, to try and discover a solution to our situation. A few viable solutions gave me hope:
- Home care helped take some of the pressure off my family and grandparents. We hired someone to come in once or twice a week to help with housekeeping and meal preparation, and my grandparents quickly bonded with the woman who would be their new caregiving companion. It turns out that my grandparents were much more willing to accept help from someone unrelated to them, which makes sense because it allowed them to feel less of the guilt and embarrassment associated with being dependent on adult relatives.
- Respite care services in local senior care communities gave my family a break from their caregiving duties for a time. When we were going out of town and would be unable to visit and care for my grandparents, we would get them settled in a room at a local senior community where they would receive short-term care. They even met some great friends at these communities who would help them feel more socially connected even after they returned home.
- Caregiving sites such as DailyCaring, Family Caregiver Alliance and Caregiver Action Network offer resources, fact sheets, and forums for you to discuss your caregiving journey with people who understand what you’re going through.
If you or someone you know is working as the primary caregiver for aging relatives, there are supportive services that can help. Hopefully my personal story can give you a sense of the options out there for family caregivers and their loved ones.
It’s a tough role; but someone’s got to do it. Just know you’re not alone.
